I often wondered why the lack of verbal ”I love you” from my parents would bother me so much. In fact I can’t remember ever hearing them say it. There was the occasional I like you tho. And that’s just it, it suddenly dawned on me. ”I like you” is conditional. Be like I want you to be and I’ll approve of (or sometimes even appreciate) you, but only if you conform to my ideals, my likes, my wants.
Unconditional love – or unconditional acceptance – is just that; Unconditional. No matter what.
All this came about because of mulling over the original set-up statement in EFT (emotional freedom technique or simply Tapping). I came across my notes from a talk I heard by Puja Kanth Alfred, author of the book Geo-Specific EFT, about tailoring to different cultures. And I agree with how utterly awkward the statement ”I love and approve of myself” can sound to non-american ears and when translated into some other languages.
It is meant to feel supportive, encouraging and nurturing, yet to me it does not. The word love in this context to me feels polarized and contrived and because of that I tense up rather than relax, release and let go. Unconditional acceptance feels more neutral and to me it’s vibration is that of holding up the ceiling, of allowing what is to just be. Unconditional love on the other hand feels more like an oxymoron. It sets up the slightest expectation of something positive being en route and the inner switch in me then flips over to steel myself in case of disappointment in some way, or getting nothing. It’s setting me up for getting nothing after expecting something (”good”). Of being let down. Go without. The promise of a gift and finding the nicely wrapped box empty. Of disappointment when it all turns to nothing, of being short-changed, a promise turning out to come to nothing. Of being forgotten or overlooked.
Personally I’ve experimented with ”Even tho … blahblahblah…, I accept myself (or I accept this in myself) unconditionally (or completely)”. Acceptance allows me to relax and just be.
Just how complicated can one person make the world around her?
Catpaw 5-6 July 2012
Interested in cross cultural EFT? Check out Puja Kanth Alfreds website: http://www.emofreetherapy.com/geo-specific_eft.html