When someone comes out…
Events today brought my thoughts back to the most brilliant graduation speech this year, the one where high school student Mr Moricz uses the euphemism of being born with curly hair in the humid state of Florida for being gay. If you haven’t heard it, the whole speech in its glory can be found online if you search for Zander Moricz 2022.
No one chooses their sexual orientation or gender. No one “comes out” as a bid for attention when the stakes for rejection are so high and real. You do so for a variety of reasons, but mostly because you are tired of hiding an integral part of who you are. Because you are tired of YOUR LIFE feeling like charades; of living in a world where kids learn their survival depends on masking and hiding who they really are.
Living a lie and Pretending to be someone you’re not – hurts. It comes with self-hatred and disgust that keep on growing. Every day being reminded and feel lesser, defective. That who you are is not good enough and you don’t belong. And ultimately, being YOU is not acceptable.
You come out because you want to belong. Because you are tired of feeling fake, and tired of living every day at the mercy of being found out.
Coming out you hope will help others make sense of who you are, your friends and family, but also prospective employers. To feel safe in being who you are. No one should have to live in fear of being fired from a job if someone finds out who they love.
Not being cis is not a crime – or at least it shouldn’t be. We are born this way.
Love is love no matter what form it takes, and in a world with so much hate and fear CELEBRATE LOVE IN WHATEVER FORM IT COMES! Treasure it. Because no one is guaranteed it, and no one knows how long it will last.
If someone comes out to you it’s because they trust you. They trust you to see them for who they really are, and that the only thing that has changed about them is who they choose to have a relationship with – or not.
Why would you deny yourself or another that experience?
While I consider myself a safe person to come out to, just to clarify, I’m non-binary/agender and ace. But this is not about me, because I’m a fifty-something who is privileged enough that I can say I don’t give a shit if you reject me for not being cis. Either way, I’d rather be rejected for what I am than liked for what I’m not.
If you want to force others to keep hidden who they are because who they are makes you uncomfortable – you’re the one with a problem. Find yourself a therapist and work on your fears instead of taking it out on someone who just trusted you by being them themselves.
And if everything else fails, how about this: GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES SO WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN OTHER AN ABOMINATION?
The creator made us this way – are you saying g-d made a mistake?
I sincerely look forward to seeing what Zander Moricz will do next.
And to the young man who was kicked out of church and his home for coming out and sparked this post, I believe in you, you brave, beautiful, courageous being. I know it hurts right now, and I don’t know what else to say. I’m sure they’ll come around.
But later, for the church part – there are hundreds more who will welcome a good man like you with joy and open arms. Or as Louise Hay put it (and I’m paraphrasing from memory) “If your God tells you you are a miserable sinner – find another. There are plenty out there to choose from.” God never rejected you, just the human minions.
If belonging is conditional – it was never belonging in the first place.
Much love, Catpaw