Catpaws Cafe

Random musings from my virtual fountain pen

In an other part of the world…


Friday evening. Snapshots flashing by.
Not pictures, but
Memories. Moments. Feels.

After the boundless joy of being together once more
the moment we hugged at the arrivals at the airport
I can’t help but anticipate the pain of being ripped apart again

Time so precious it felt like I didn’t even have the time to enjoy it in the moment it took place
Too fleeting, it comes with built in sadness
Just store it away to be able to live on later.

Us in the car with your dog, going to the Redwoods
Driving along the coast, I’ve never seen vineyards like that before

Smoke from fires in the distance creating a haze and other worldly feel in the valleys
like a heat mirage it played tricks on the eye and mind.
A small holding or a ranch, and a visceral, gut-wrenching recognition
I swear I’ve been here before but it wasn’t in this incarnation…

The Golden Gate Bridge, shrouded in mist,
so unexpectedly icy cold on the hill by the monument.
Up and down the hilly streets of San Francisco! So unreal.
Walking along the seafront after the sun had set
listening to the breaking waves
connecting to something much larger than us, through space and time
with long gone people who have experienced the same breathtaking display by Gaia.
Listening to LeVar Burton tell stories, and better still, muse about life.

Farmers Market, Sushi, Thai, and Burmese food
so much Brie! and heirloom tomatoes tasting of California sunshine
all the things I can’t get where I live.

Talking for hours seated among the plants on the balcony at night.
Everything we wanted to share and say
So much – – – and never enough.

Now it feels as far away as the international space station
our chats condensed to snippets over messenger or email.
Why is over a decade of solid friendship not enough in the eyes of the law?
Why does other kinds of love that does not involve sex or lust not count?
Why must borders and politics keep friends apart?
Why can’t people live where they want?
Not when we’re just people, not wealthy or “special”.
I live in a different economy and a world away
I couldn’t buy the condo opposite yours even though it is for sale.


What would I not give to be back on that balcony right now
but I’d only pour out the pain of these last few years
and no matter how sympathetic a listener
it is something I don’t wish on anyone, coz it feels endless,
a bottomless pit of tears, hurt, and grief.

So I’ll have to make do with the memories of a few precious days spent together with my bff.

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