Catpaws Cafe

Random musings from my virtual fountain pen

Archive for the month “May, 2021”

Discovering friends & surviving loneliness

I am going out on a limb here and being vulnerable so please go easy on me. I see memes with words like the one above making the rounds from time to time, they were much more prominent a decade ago.

This morning I had a dream where I made a new friend just days before leaving here, and that reminded me of how I have on occasion spent 5-6 hours having an amazing conversation with someone, come away feeling elated, only to never hear from them again? (I usually give my contact details, instead of asking for theirs). I thought we got on like a house on fire – how did I get it so completely wrong?

But get this, I want friends. Everyone want friends. If we as a species haven’t learned anything else from this last year, it is that we need each other, and we all want community in some shape or form.

I haven’t made any friends in C’cun, (and it’s not from lack of trying, except these last 18 months I simply have not bothered). There. I said it. The thing I am the most ashamed of having failed at in my life. Why is that? Why is it shameful to move somewhere and fail at making new friends locally?

I realize I am in an extreme situation here, but I want friends, wherever I eventually end up, not just acquaintances or drinking buddies etc. Introvert friends, to do introverted things with.

I’ve never been good at making friends, and now…talk about out of practice. But *I want to know where I’m going wrong*, because everywhere I go – I will be bringing myself, my insecurities etc. It’s been very lonely years here. I don’t want the rest of my life to be too. And my experience simply is not like the meme above, and I want it to be.

I think it is almost impossible for someone who attracts new friends with ease wherever they go to understand what it is like on the other end of the spectrum. And how absolutely excruciating the experience is to feel rejected by the world. You hear about people making friends absolutely everywhere and anywhere so why not me? What am I doing wrong?
Cats and dogs like me so I can’t be all bad?

More of this please.

Andino Andina – the Pod-book


Episode 1 – 4 of Andino Andina is now up in podcast/audiobook format.


I decided to do it this way because it meant I didn’t need to pay for a proofreader, and I really enjoy sound editing.
Free to listen wherever you get your podcasts.

If you have work for me, drop me a pm.

https://ko-fi.com/post/Andino-Andina-episode-1-T6T24MO17

Andino Andina is a spec-fic solar-punk story of what happens when you get the chance you didn’t dare to dream about – and decide to take it? When you decide to trust in the face of fears and doubts?  

Jacqueline – a 30-something cat guardian who is determined to live life her way – is about to find out.  Her life as a freelance translator and animal communicator on the Costa Maya in contemporary Mexico is alright but not particularly exciting. That however is about to change. 

For in a parallel existence there is a place called The Republic of the Andes. Here the South American continent was never devoured and divided by conquerors and developed solar technology centuries ago.  Enter Field Agent Bron who is… no one really knows, but all of a sudden life got a lot more interesting than Jac had ever imagined. If you ever suspected you’re a freak and too sensitive for this world, this is for you. Because somewhere, what you’ve been thinking of as your freak is almost prerequisite…

COPYRIGHT LIZ ROSALES GATOTEPRESS 2014, 2021.

If you are a publisher and would like to read the full manuscript, contact me. Thank you.

It may not be what you think it is…

The festivalling days… 

I’ve thought a lot about this but never shared about it because it felt too personal, embarrassing even, to admit out loud, but here goes.
For me it was never about partying and drinking. It was accidentally finding community when a fickle world turned their back. It was hard and crazy work and it saved my life when I wanted it to end, so I wanted to tell you a little about it.

It was about travelling, camaraderie, constant improvising and flexing your creative muscles. Very little box to think outside.
It was about helping each other out, and looking out for each other.
Wearing more than one hat, feeling useful and being seen as an asset. 
Being part of something bigger than you, and together facilitate an experience for others. 

I loved the nomadic life, where no day ever looked the same; discovering and seeing new things. The feeling of freedom. Meeting random people you felt an immediate affinity with. About going somewhere.

The thrill of driving onto the ferry and knowing you’re on the road again!
Knowing you can deal with whatever life throws at you with what’s in the pockets of your cargo-pants and shoulder-pack, except maybe spiders. 

Seeing new places, and returning to old ones.
Reconnecting with people, who felt like long lost friends. 
Seeing each other again and catching up felt so good.

Falling in love with a velveteen jacket and handmade jewellery, or discovering a new sandwich at a service station for lunch. Discovering world music.
Pizza by a beautiful lake en route somewhere.

Sitting around a campfire, before or after the event, before you break camp and move on to the next destination, and set up once more… 

Be given an improvised dreamcatcher by an old hippie because they heard you had a bad dream (I still have it).
Losing five cigarette lighters in one evening, being given chai by a stranger, and singing old hits with a bunch of strangers in a field… 

Washing your hair in a public toilet somewhere in Copenhagen – or was it Belgium, or France? 
The feeling of being clean with clean hair and clothes after a hot shower when all you’ve had for 5 days is babywipes. 

Listening to your favorite chillout collection of music, driving home through the night, everyone else asleep. Headlights, white lines, and black tar rivers… Too much coffee, cola, and haribo bears, longing for salad, vegetables, sushi, and a hot bath. Then the moon rises to keep you company…
https://youtu.be/9N40ghQ4z0Y Danya – Frederick Rosseau, from The Karma Collection.

Beer or mugs of hot tea around a potbelly stove as the nights got darker and colder and the season is drawing to an end. Until next time…maybe next year…
 https://youtu.be/6SxhzWZrGmg Autumn is here – Craig Armstrong – Weather storm, The Karma Collection.

It was never about drinking, bands, or party-drugs, those aren’t my thing. Those were my least favorite parts. The things I just put up with.

It was some of the best times in my life, but after nine seasons it was time for me to move on. New phase in life. Like now. I have two cats this time, famously neophobic as a species, they want a homebase. So do I.
New friends. A workplace that appreciates me. That stuff.

Photo stolen from https://www.lizcooke.co.uk/ Festival Flags

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