Catpaws Cafe

Random musings from my virtual fountain pen

Archive for the month “April, 2012”

Miss ya, love ya,

As this world is finally beginning to turn from artificial and ”be seen to be” towards substance and honesty, maybe the alphas with their pepsodent grins and insessant chatter finally gets told to shut the **** up, making way for the quiet.  For those who have no desire to either lead or be led.  Not a revolution but perhaps just the turn of a tidal wave.  Can’t come quickly enough for me.

I know I shouldn’t look back, but I miss you.  On this rather sad monday, when I’m feeling lonelier than I have for a long time in spite of the sun shining and the wind rustling the leaves of the almond tree.  The sky is the same colour as your piercing blue eyes.  I haven’t seen you for some 20-something yrs and I get pangs of it every now and then.

Your quiet charisma was stellar, yet you never led us up the garden path.  What you taught all those yrs ago by word and example have stood the test of time.  You’re the only one I ever knew to look glam in white shiny sweatpants and 4inch stilettos!  Softspoken and with an assurance rarely seen you were a lighthouse.  You were my first teacher on the spiritual path and about 8 yrs ago now, I felt I’d finally caught up with you, ie gathered enough pieces of myself to think I was a worth while being and sistar.  A point where we could meet as equals and perhaps become friends.

I spent an evening looking for you on the internet.  Whether to call it a successful search I’m not sure.  The traces I found was an arbitary.  It was about 6yrs old at the time.  You were not yet turned 40, younger than I am now, no cause mentioned.

I cried then.  Not just for you, not just for me, but also for all the friendships that I’d never allowed myself to have because of my own low self-worth.  You were simply an extraordinary being, but then now so am I.

An old proverb says noone is truly gone until noone remembers them.  You will live a great deal longer then, in the minds and hearts of the many people you touched along your journey.

Good speed as always Mishan, upwards and onwards with the speed of love.  Miss ya, love ya.


(Mishan Hawkins 1958-1998)

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