Catpaws Cafe

Random musings from my virtual fountain pen

Clothes and recycling of textiles

At the end of this post is a 13 minutes long video, well worth your time to watch. Please do. We can only turn this containership around *together*

According to this video, 10% of global emissions stem froom the textile industry, and over 4% of global freshwater usage, but I’ve read considerably higher figures.

  • Most of old clothes and overstock end up in landfill or burnt.
  • Understand that shops like Parisina (or Fabricland) almost exclusively sell fabrics that are non-recyclable, because they are 90-100% mixed synthetics.
  • Learn to CARE for your clothes to make them last longer.
  • Look for styles that aren’t going to go out of fashion next month.
  • Buy second hand whenever possible.
  • Polyester is plastic. Recycled polyester is not made from old clothes, it’s made from plastic waste. It’s a petroleum product.
  • Don’t let anyone shame you for buying a tshirt or whatnot in a supermarket chain – that is fine, as long as your intent is to wash and wear it, hopefully for years to come.
  • What fast fashion really is is “it’s so cheap it doesn’t matter if I only wear it a couple of times before getting rid of it. If it doesn’t wash well, I can throw it away.”
  • Train yourself to look at garments, look at seams, are they cut on the grain, is the overlock missing half the seam allowance etc?
  • Wear older clothes as inner layers- no one is going to see it.

When I was a kid in the 70s, H&M was the cheapest of the cheap crap. They had cutting edge designers but used garbage materials and didn’t cut on the grain. You put it in the washingmachine, and didn’t always recognise it afterwards. It had twisted, lost it’s colour, etc. And that was without using tumble-driers.

Now it’s companies like She!n and temu tempting young fashionistas. Inform yourself how these companies are run, and teach your young.

Lastly, Thank you mum for scalding me when I wanted to buy it from there anyway, coz it was *cheap*, and it looked *cool*, and I was a young teen with a minimal clothes allowance, desperate to fit in.
It forced me to learn to sew and design my own, which I recognise is a priviledge.
I am happy to teach anyone who is interested in learning, but it’s a complicated skill and it takes time and practice.

Today I’m wearing shorts that used to be jeans, and a shirt cut from a pair of trousers that never fit right. I dare say you’d never know.

CatpawsCafe the blog will close at the end of May, replaced by Catpaw Writes over on substack. If you like what I write, come join me over there. It will be a little different, but it’s free.
Here’s the link to the same post
https://catpawwrites.substack.com/p/clothes-and-recycling-of-textiles

Who are you in the world – the power of nicknacks and letting go

Last week I was video calling with a friend who has kindly stored the things I didn’t want to let go of when I moved overseas. They needed to make their garage into another usable room rather than just somewhere to store things.

We went through my four plastic storage boxes and condensed them down to two. It was mostly things with a sentimental value; photo-albums, music, and nicknacks. To be clear, I moved here with two suitcases. I let go of almost everything, furniture, my beloved car, all books bar the 20 I took with me (10 fiction, 10 non-fiction), household goods, collections, journals and diaries, sound-equipment, most of my clothes, soft furnishings, sewing machine etc. Everything that makes a house (or in my case a flat) a home. The most difficult was of course the mementos, things embued with memories of a particular time or experience. I know I wasn’t giving away my memories, but the physical reminders. Gifts from friends, paintings, that kind of thing.

When I arrived here, everything I had was precious to me. The world was not the internet haven for shopping it is today, and many times I kicked myself for having brought the “wrong” things. Stuff I’d given or thrown away would have come in damn useful here where neither love or money could buy it, but I digress. When you have very little, you really value what you have. When you can’t just run out and buy whatever takes your fancy coz it’s not available.
I’m an introvert and a craefter, I like to surround myself with little things that makes me feel…something. Like I have a past, perhaps?

Now we went through those last boxes again, but from a distance. Half had to go. I’d felt somehow safe knowing they were there? You’d think when you haven’t seen the things for 16 years letting go should be easy, right? Some things were easy. Other things broke my heart all over again when I saw them go in the bin. I woke up several times a night that week, heart pounding, remembering. Oh no!
I kept telling myself *now those books will be read and loved by someone else! Isn’t that good? The cuddly toy that hasn’t had a cuddle for over a decade will make someone else happy; the model Spitfires, Red Arrows, and miniature racing bicycle will grace someone else’s shelves instead of taking up space at the back of someone’s garage.*
I can’t afford to go pick it up right now, or have it shipped here, and I don’t know where my long term future lies. Right now, it’s here. And here is where things gets destroyed by the climate.

It also made me look around my bedroom and studio here, and notice the almost total absence of nicknacks and mementos. I’ve never been one for ‘use-less’ things that just collect dust, but I like to have a few pieces reminding me of where I’ve been. I collect pretty pens (that I use), that kind of stuff.
My walls are also bare for the most part, concrete is not easy to hang things on, but there’s a small print of London a friend gave me when I last visited, miniature Buddhist prayer flags fluttering on the curtains, printouts of the covers of my books that keep falling down coz bluetack… it just slides down, often taking the paint on the walls with it :/
But while those things represented me, at that time. I don’t know what does now. It’s not like I can log onto the website with the rainforest name and order myself ten things to brighten things up. Mementos don’t work that way. They need to mean something. Like BodhiCattva, who disappeared when I moved here. That had been love at first sight, and the little Onyx figuerine had been my travel companion. Before the panda, obviously.
I bought two cat figuerines when we daytripped to Cozumel last year, mostly out of desperation coz I missed Bodhi so much, but I’ve failed to develop any connection with either. They just sit there, collecting dust, making me feel guilty for not loving them and wishing I hadn’t bought them.

Letting things go, for me, is complicated. Take this example; when me and my then boyfriend travelled around south east asia for two months? I had three sets of clothes with me, and added two sarongs along the road. By the time we were returning home I was heartily sick of those same clothes, and yet couldn’t leave them behind either because of all the memories. They reminded me of that special time every time I wore them (when I’d had a chance to wear something else for a while.)

I’m not a lover of all things new and shiny. It’s like the old thing being replaced is looking at me with sad eyes saying We went through all those times together and now I’m no longer good enough for you? Told you I’m weird. I wear things out, transform them into something else if possible, and at the end of that I thank them for their service and say goodbye.

I don’t know what I want now, what could represent me, and remind me of who I am. There’s a wooden box with kittens painted on it, a lantern I bought at Glasto in 2000, a wooden Tardis moneybox. But would I say they are me? Probably not. We’ll see.

CatpawsCafe the blog will close at the end of May, an be replaced by Catpaw Writes over on substack. If you like what I write, come join me over there, it’s free.

After so many years…

After my first blog disappeared (the host went out of business) I moved here on the 11 December 2011. And after 110 posts I think it’s time to close the ‘cafe’? It feels a tad empty and dusty in here…

Early on I made a point of only posting when I felt have something to say. For the last six months I haven’t felt I had anything original to add to the conversation or that I hadn’t said before, (or that had been expressed somewhere else by someone who has the kind of platform I had hoped this would grow to become.) You see, I fell for the old trick of believing (live a lie) that if I just was me, that would attract readers of like mind and we could have a conversation and hang out in the virtual cafe. I was wrong.

And now the world is moving so fast that what I write one day, publish the next, feels out of date by the end of the week. Everyone’s already moved on, making it kinda pointless. OR there’s so much research required I either can’t wrap my chronic fatigued brain around it, or it no longer feels fresh or relevant.

I’ve started a microblog over at Substack, Catpaw_writes https://tr.ee/zswPIrnEen but it only has a couple of notes so far. Yeah, it’s not as customisable, but it is easier to be “found” and doesn’t cost me anything.

I have two novels I ideally would like pubbed this year, so look out for those if you’re interested. You can subscribe to https://ko-fi.com/catpaw for free to receive a notification. It will be either on Smashwords or Draft2Digital, coz Azon don’t pay me, and I don’t have the spoons for the querying circus.

The domain does not expire for a couple of months yet, so who knows. I might be back, maybe I need a reboot? Tell me what you think.

Love always/ Catpaw

Writer struggles

I was watching a vlog by a writer on utube about feeling like you’re failing. It was a year old so mid-panini. I started to write a reply of sorts, but it got too long and it is something I wanted to say too, so here goes.


It IS hard to stay excited, no matter how much you love your stories, your ideas, when it feels like no one cares. No one wants to read what you’ve written, no one cares how it’s going, and you have no one to talk through plot points and sticky scenes with. I feel that so deeply. I’ve often wondered what’s worst, having no one care or encourage you, or having the pressure of readers waiting and fear of failure.

I too have always struggled to make friends and to insert myself in other people’s conversations. It is incredibly frustrating to feel so alone in groups of people. While I am an introvert that does not mean I don’t want friends.
People keep saying stuff like ‘just be yourself and you’ll attract the right people!’ I call bs, because that’s never been my experience.

I’ve been writing for decades. I’ve been focusing on it for 7-8 years now (since the accident because I could no longer do what I did before), just like I focused on trying to make local friends for years before that. I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of trying harder and failing harder, over and over. I’ve more or less given up. Just for once I want someone else to make the effort.
In the last three years most have gone from ‘too busy and don’t have time’, to ‘everyone’ is exhausted and is trying to muster the energy to just keep up with their own stuff. I know I am, my health leaves me drained and exhausted most of the time nowadays.

I sometimes want to scream – how many of you get up in the morning, day after day, month after month, year after year, and give your best to something, with no outside validation or recognition, with no financial compensation for your efforts? How many of you could do that, in the hope that it will one day yield something? And I don’t mean riches (though that would be nice, I would love to have money to put to good use.)
Just in the hope that the heart and soul I pour into my writings will reach others and perhaps cherished by a few. To get that ‘letter’ (or rather email) telling how my story entertained or connected with someone out there, and made them feel less like a freak and alone in the world. No ink was more aptly named than Writer’s Blood, or possibly writer’s tears, if that existed.
How many have that determination, dedication, and self-starting motivation to do that? What’s that worth to a prospective employer?


I want to write – but what’s the point in trying? Some authors start publishing when they are older than I am (mid 50s), and then there’s that little voice that sneers “you just don’t know when to give up, do you? Useless p.o.s. If you had any talent it would have been recognised by now and you’re just refusing to acknowledge that… Anyone with any sense at all would move over and stop dreaming.”
When you’re trying to create something new, something that you have not been able to find, there is no blueprint to follow, no one to ask for advice. Feeling your way is hard and takes time, and I wish I had someone to talk to about it.

No, you don’t need to be better, and try harder. You need a break, and perhaps a helping hand. We ALL need a break, and I don’t mean time off (that would be nice, if it came without feeling guilty for not working) but as in Catch a Break. I think it was Mariah Carey who said “everybody was a nobody until somebody gave them a chance”. Maybe she’d been reading Emily Dickinson, who knows. Either way, it’s true.

Hugs, Catpaw

Ready for 2023

Inspired by everyone else’s planners, here are mine for 2023;

The LILAC ring binder I bought last year, hoping to recreate my catch-all from the 80s… it did not work as I could not get my mitts on insets and refills etc. It now holds bucket lists, to read, films to watch, writing ideas, projects and brain-dumps.

Last year I ended up making my own diary (pic 2) because I couldn’t find one I liked at a reasonable price. Also, they didn’t start selling planners here until late December – what’s up with that?? When I eventually found one (in late January!!) I bought it as a backup, the GREY Miniso one. It has a section to track my final daily word count/done for the day; plans, and a “paid x bill y$”.

I’m normally big on journaling but 2022 was an abysmal year, and I wrote about 1/8 of what I usually write, so I’ll continue using the same one (WHITE with a blue flower, handmade by me)

The hologram Traveller’s is what I used last year because I love the cover and made a bunch of refills for it (see pic 2) coz fun! I will continue to use it to track inks, pens, recipe development, cost to produce etc. Odd thing to do for someone who doesn’t actually like to cook, but I seem to have a knack for it nonetheless.

When the pande hit I’d just bought a beautiful, turquoise A5 Orange Circle planner – but it never got to see any real action. Days flowed into a homogenous confused soup, so I started writing a few lines each every day just to keep track of where the time went when all days looked pretty much the same. I’ve kept that up ever since. While it is supposedly refillable, I’ve never found said refills.
I got the COFFEE/black journal in Mexico City years ago so I’ll be using that as my refill this year. Last year I made my own to fit after the Cats planner I’d preordered got cancelled. Premium Paper who produces them had a break-in at their depot and all the planners were stolen (can’t make this $h!t up). I’ve seen the 2023 ones for sale in Peru and Argentina, but not in Mexico. I think their distributor may have gone bust or given up. Sad, coz I really loved that one.

The orange one is a repurposed Terry Pratchett yearbook, which I use for collecting Buddhist quotes and teachings.

The blue Sakura notebook I bought on my birthday this year because it was love at first glance. Will use as a journal or if I conceive of a book idea that feels as special to me as TimeShift.

And lastly, the Daily Planner (also from Miniso) I’ve been using since November for to-do lists, track sprints, edits etc.

While I’m not one for planning much these days, life tends to laugh out loud at me whenever I do and make certain to throw a spanner at me, I love stationery, I love fountain pens, inks, and even fine brush-pens when I can find one. There is something very sensual about writing by hand with a smooth nib, on good-quality paper. Or think on paper as I call it. One of life’s little joys and pleasures. Never may it change.

I have a new Red Bubble shop! with notebooks, pet bowls, stickers, and fridge magnets! More coming next year. Check it out at
https://www.redbubble.com/people/CatpawsCafe/shop?asc=u

Free booklet

Just re-pubbed Cooking with Huazontle – How to make the most of Mexico’s Best Kept Secret at #smashwords You can download it for free here

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1163246
#cooking mostly #vegetarian

If you don’t have huazontle you can use broccoli, kale, spinach, or any number of veg instead.

When someone comes out…

Events today brought my thoughts back to the most brilliant graduation speech this year, the one where high school student Mr Moricz uses the euphemism of being born with curly hair in the humid state of Florida for being gay. If you haven’t heard it, the whole speech in its glory can be found online if you search for Zander Moricz 2022.

No one chooses their sexual orientation or gender. No one “comes out” as a bid for attention when the stakes for rejection are so high and real. You do so for a variety of reasons, but mostly because you are tired of hiding an integral part of who you are. Because you are tired of YOUR LIFE feeling like charades; of living in a world where kids learn their survival depends on masking and hiding who they really are.

Living a lie and Pretending to be someone you’re not – hurts. It comes with self-hatred and disgust that keep on growing. Every day being reminded and feel lesser, defective. That who you are is not good enough and you don’t belong.  And ultimately, being YOU is not acceptable.

You come out because you want to belong. Because you are tired of feeling fake, and tired of living every day at the mercy of being found out. 

Coming out you hope will help others make sense of who you are, your friends and family, but also prospective employers. To feel safe in being who you are. No one should have to live in fear of being fired from a job if someone finds out who they love.

Love is love, a complicated being finding love in an unusual place.

Not being cis is not a crime – or at least it shouldn’t be. We are born this way.
Love is love no matter what form it takes, and in a world with so much hate and fear CELEBRATE LOVE IN WHATEVER FORM IT COMES! Treasure it. Because no one is guaranteed it, and no one knows how long it will last.

If someone comes out to you it’s because they trust you. They trust you to see them for who they really are, and that the only thing that has changed about them is who they choose to have a relationship with – or not.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. (Lao Tzu)

Why would you deny yourself or another that experience?

While I consider myself a safe person to come out to, just to clarify, I’m non-binary/agender and ace. But this is not about me, because I’m a fifty-something who is privileged enough that I can say I don’t give a shit if you reject me for not being cis. Either way, I’d rather be rejected for what I am than liked for what I’m not.

Will you hear it better when it’s said by Kurt Cobain? I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

If you want to force others to keep hidden who they are because who they are makes you uncomfortable you’re the one with a problem. Find yourself a therapist and work on your fears instead of taking it out on someone who just trusted you by being them themselves. 

And if everything else fails, how about this: GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES SO WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN OTHER AN ABOMINATION?

The creator made us this way – are you saying g-d made a mistake?

I sincerely look forward to seeing what Zander Moricz will do next.
And to the young man who was kicked out of church and his home for coming out and sparked this post, I believe in you, you brave, beautiful, courageous being. I know it hurts right now, and I don’t know what else to say. I’m sure they’ll come around.
But later, for the church part – there are hundreds more who will welcome a good man like you with joy and open arms. Or as Louise Hay put it (and I’m paraphrasing from memory) “If your God tells you you are a miserable sinner – find another. There are plenty out there to choose from.” God never rejected you, just the human minions.
If belonging is conditional – it was never belonging in the first place.
Much love, Catpaw

Hanging Container Gardening

When the afternoons get too hot to work with the brain – I’ve been working on the HANGING GARDENS! A container gardening idea that works for small spaces like a balcony – or simply to place pot-plants in.

With a small courtyard that is mostly shaded (thank heavens) at my disposal, I’m having another go at growing herbs and veg. Pots on the floor attract all sorts of unpleasant competition, and the walls were already fitted with hooks. Hanging things up allow you to grow more in a limited space. (And let’s be honest: keeps it out of reach of inquisitive cats playing chase, and you know… (Another toilet, hooman you spoil us!)

My hanging garden taking shape; Random crocheted hanging containers, sorry about the unsightly rope, it belongs to the added sunshade, and I forgot move it out of the picture.

I started experimenting using reclaimed hammock yarn (use what you already got), and after about a dozen tries I’d figured out the stitch-counts and proportions. So what you see are for the most part the simple, functional, and economical design to work with my recycled containers. These are 2.5 litre mineral water bottles cut in a way to make its own drip tray. It collects all the water/nourishment drained out when watering too much, so you don’t leech out nutrients. (After the first storm I had to add drain holes to prevent drowning by nature’s excess, see below.)

The idea for the containers came from YouTube: if it’s good enough for one of Turkey’s top chefs to grow herbs and veg for her restaurant in, it’s good enough for me. Growing pots are pricey here and I like giving a second life to the water bottles. Yes, we recycle, but this is a lot more appealing.

2.5 litre water bottles, cut to give support, etc, holes punctured after a 3-day rainstorm drowned some young seedlings

The other structure I’ve used was free. I’m guessing the table top was fibreboard and rotted, but the aluminium part works well for this. I even suspended a basket in the middle where at some point I’m hoping to grow strawberries.

Making use of a discarded table frame to hang more containers, to make it more difficult for pests to get at young plants.

Crocheted hangers are MADE TO ORDER, and made from NEW material. I have access to White, Purple, Mediterranean Blue, Yellow, and Orange. This kind of hammock yarn is 100% nylon and while it eventually crisps in the sun, is the best option of what’s available and affordable, especially in this humid part of the world. 

Hangers can be made with a string to tie (how I attach to the other hangers) OR loops. They can also be made to the size of your plant pot. 

Close up of Leaf design.
Close up of Climber design
Close up of Baubles design

As always it’s difficult and expensive to send things overseas, but if you’re local pm me, and delivering to Merida could be possible too.

Abridged excerpt from Andino Andina

Abridged excerpt from Andino Andina, a fantasy/speculative fiction novel. Copyright Liz Rosales 2014 & 2021

The sun was low in the sky on this mild winter’s day and made the landscape glow invitingly in watercolours Turner would have begged for.

On the spur of the moment I wondered if I had enough time to walk up to the cave before dusk fell. I decided to risk it and increased my pace.

I hadn’t got far outside of town when instinct slowed me down.
Walking towards me was an extraordinarily graceful woman, her curly silvery hair in a loose bun at the nape of her neck. There was no mistaking her.

“You!” I breathed, causing a plume of steam rather than a real sound. “You!”
‘So you remember. That is good. Hello again!’
The words arrived in my head without passing through my ears, I noticed.
“How could I forget? You held out a tomb of a book to me and I couldn’t reach it, and you got the most amazing eyes I’ve ever seen,” I blurted out. So I got my voice back, my inner critic remarked, but for once I ignored it completely.
“Who are you?”

The woman smiled. She is glowing, luminous like a Goddess… my inner observer registered. I’m seeing and talking to a Goddess… Really? I want to see if she is actually walking – rather than floating – towards me, but I can’t tear my eyes away from her face and those mesmerising eyes.
“Then that wasn’t just a dream then, was it?” I asked feebly.
The proposed Goddess smiled.
“Walk with me.” Her voice was rich and melodious, and pure as crystal, and that description was so inadequate I blushed at my habitual attempt to describe her in my mind for later reference.

“We are very pleased,” the woman continued. “You have done well. Outstanding.”
I said nothing. Part of me is searching for traces of sarcasm in her statement – Goddess or not – and perhaps for the other shoe to drop.
‘Benefit of the doubt,’ I hear the faintest ghost of a whisper. With a stern mental hand I sweep doubts and thoughts out of the way like crumbs off a picnic table, and bring myself to this moment. Just listen.

“We seeded this place half a millennia ago. It has done well developing on this planet where there has been so much darkness. Now the time has come for this knowledge and understanding to spread to the rest of the planet. See what ideas grow forth from it…

“Imagine a flower; first a seed, then roots. Then the leaves, buds and blooms. A seed-ball forms. When the wind blows it helps all those seeds – all with their own ‘parachutes’ – to take flight.”
She halted and swept her hand gracefully through the air where just such a seed-ball in electric blue sparkles appeared. She blew on it gently. All the individual seeds tumbled around like air sprites, delighting in their freedom and weightlessness on a journey to who knows where, carried on invisible thermals.

“The spreading of energetic intent is much the same. Your words will be the seeds of what was once our thoughts, cultivated by these people, on this timeline, over half a millennia as they made it their own.
“Delight in letting seeds take flight and let us all observe where they land. Rejoice in the ones that take root and marvel at how each one will come to be, depending on how or where it has been received, and decided to grow.
“This has been an incubated development, nourished but a little with gentle thoughts of support but with very little interference.
“The initial decision to forego the lust for war and cease to fight amongst themselves was all theirs. That observation peaked our interest for it was highly unusual. It was an interesting twist of events – especially in this part of the galaxy – and we decided to pay closer attention to how this unexpected peace affected the region. If it would allow this area to flourish. How.

“Maybe we assisted a little by distracting one or two who had the makings of a potential warlord by sending a loving maid, a supportive teacher, a validating mentor, a listening ear or a loving grandparent. By encouraging people to look for what else is possible, instead of opting for the old game of subjugation and reacting with violence. Something humanity has been prone to do throughout history.

“Either way, it is an alternative grown out of the people in this region, on this timeline, and as such native to all humans incarnate on this earth. Their understandings are in the collective consciousness and it is possible for anyone who wants to tap into, utilize, and make their own, in whatever way they wish. Humans have forgotten the process of doing that, and their inner technology has – for the most part – become dormant.”

I thought about this. “Let me recap to make sure I’m following. You are saying it is time to bring attention to this home-planet developed option, as a suggestion how to move forward? In the hope that this peaceful ideology catches on with the rest of the world on my timeline, and then sit back and watch what it makes of it?
“Is that what you do? You observe what happens, what worlds make of your seeds; if, where, and when, they develop into something more when fertilized by local minds, watered by natural progression?”
The Goddess nodded once and for a brief moment I felt like a star pupil in primary school.
“Don’t forget we also learn from you,” she smiled. A few remaining seeds drifting around above us brightened like minute supernovas as they continued to tumble through the air, buoyed perhaps in part by my warm breath. The Goddess did not cause any plumes of condensation I noticed.

I wanted to believe that even in our material world, something like this – at this point in time – could tantalize and enchant those with proverbial ‘eyes to see’ to join in and follow the blue sparkles. To dance with infinite possibilities as described by quantum physics. Infinite possibilities…

I noticed I was observing the thoughts of another collective. I could somehow see it all at the same time: the familiar gravel path crunching under my boots as we walked; with a visual overlay – mercurial gauze on a misty morning – as if screened by an invisible projector.
I had no idea my operating system was capable of handling and processing so much simultaneous input all at once, without chaos within the senses ensuing.

Had the time finally arrived to walk away from our old way of living and make way for a new way of being? A hint of excitement stirred somewhere – Would I actually get to see it – in my lifetime?
In reply to my unvoiced questions, in my mind’s eye I was already viewing something. Hundreds – then thousands – of men and a few women, on every side of conflicts, laying down their weapons and walking away instead of fighting for another man’s cause. No more state sanctioned mass murders.

I winced as confused and irate sleepers gunned down others for refusing to kill in the name of peace. Volunteers giving their lives so that others could wake up. Spirits welcoming and embracing each other as they passed over, watching and waiting for the tipping point to be reached.
The spell of lack of patriotism and threats of court-marshalling had lost their hold.
I witnessed a world wake up to the insanity of executing another for refusing to kill on command; an event known later as the Freedom Wave. Watched those previously in charge suddenly run to catch up with their former underlings. Now they were all just people returning home.

A peaceful tsunami swept over planet Earth. Like any tidal wave it claimed it’s share of sacrifice. Hundreds, then thousands of twinkling lights drifted upwards, one for each and everyone on all sides who relinquished their lives and bodies.
Though the siren was silent it was still heard. The war games had come to an end.

I felt the world tremble in horror over the barbaric ways humans over the centuries have sought to inflict pain on others and exterminate both each other and other living beings.
Everywhere, startled humans rubbed proverbial sleep out of their eyes. It was like the world was waking up from a bad dream; the emotional fog swirling as your conscious brain fumbles for bearings. The body stumbles to the bathroom or into the kitchen in search of coffee. All the while thinking ‘Gosh, did that really happen? That’s crazy! We must have been sleepwalking! I’m so grateful I’m awake now…’

A slow dawning of the realisation that we, as a species, have not questioned ourselves and our actions enough for a very long time. Especially when the eyes of the world looked the other way. Allowed ourselves to be hypnotized and herded mentally like pawns in someone else’s game.
To think of ourselves as disposable, when nothing could be further from the truth.
And in that moment of fundamental knowing of who we really are – divine eternal beings having an earthly adventure – we allowed the horrors of the past to be gently swept away by angelic helpers.
Love had prevailed, conquered all. Light had dispelled darkness with it’s presence and it was here to stay. There is no dark-switch…

The imagery faded and I was just me again, on a habitual lookout to not twist an ankle.

“Can I ask you something?” I said. “The part I never understood was why anyone would just blindly follow? They must have so many lives where their spirit was broken.”

“It has been easier to let others decide for you than to take responsibility for yourself, for your thoughts and actions. Knowing why you do the things you do will be imperative very soon.
“When large numbers of people fail to pay attention, the power dynamics become unbalanced. Allow that to remind you of your own power and to be present. And when you don’t, when individuals forget to hold themselves and others accountable, it gets out of hand in various ways. And beings in this universe really took it much further and to horrifying new depths” the Goddess said in a clear low voice that brought me back to the here and now.

“It never fails to amaze me how so many seem happy to give away their power. Would you say it’s likely to stem from subconscious memories where sticking your proverbial neck out resulted in a particularly traumatic death?”

“Perhaps. At this point in time humanity is waking up, and the truth you are approaching is that you do not wish to be ruled or controlled.
“In the new game of conscious living there will be no need to control in the old way. When humanity chooses to live with integrity and awareness of the consequences your words and actions have upon everything else, the game is over. The players go home for dinner…” She smiled at her own human style joke.

The air shimmered with pinpricks of light and my body surged as if filled with tiny bubbles where every cell in my body seemed to have it’s own pleasure experience independently. A tremble rippled through my legs making them feel momentarily weak.

Dazed I turned to look around me, 360 degrees, in what I can only describe as slow motion out of time. My body didn’t feel solid at all, more like a temporary cluster of molecules or particles held together by an invisible magnetic force I couldn’t name.
‘Or frogspawn among the reeds in a lake,’ came an amused voice I did not recognize. Did I hear that – or what?
There is one thing feeling expansive, quite another is feeling internally displaced…
Out of habit I shook my head hoping to clear whatever was slowing everything down. My physical eyes came back into focus and I looked around me.
She was gone.

“I… I didn’t catch your name…” I said, when I had pulled myself together.

Maybe Reesha would know. I started walking back. Then running.

Let us all intend peace☮️ in Ukraine, and everywhere else,
immediately, completely and permanently.

LynkdOut

Some days I just feel like deleting my LinkedIn account. I check it once or twice a week by now. I haven’t deleted it because you never know where the next gig will come from, and you don’t want to cut off any streams of income, no matter how dried up.

It’s “recommended” jobs make no sense and are so off target it could be considered comical. Tragicomical. Irritating. Frustrating.

Then it’s the smugness of some of the “we who have got healthy careers”, and the ones looking and trying really hard any which way. Networking, interacting, writing quality content regularly – and still getting nowhere.
It’s like two worlds rubbing up against each other and the divide is painful to observe.

I wish I could pinpoint what it is but I can’t. I only feel it, and it feels off and makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I also wish I could just dismiss it as “just not for me” and move on.

So many of my friends are looking for work too. Sending out tons of applications. Hundreds of applicants for every position going; everyone of us looking for meaningful work that pays a living wage. We shouldn’t have to fight for it, that’s just not right.

Bringing your own ideas to the table in the absence of viable employment, there are so many things I COULD do… Locally and otherwise. What stands in the way is the bl**dy relentless marketing required to possibly gain traction.

It’s like when you vow to run a marathon or cut your hair off to raise money for charity.
I’m doing the damn training and running/lopping off my hair; on top of that I have to convince people to part with their money, AND chase them down after and sweet-talk them to actually pay up?

Clearly I haven’t got the necessary right connections to get a foothold. It’s NEVER what you know, but WHO. And above all, who knows you.

You could be one of the best violinist in the world and still struggle to make a living if your options were reduced to busking, as a social experiment organised by Washington Post back in 2007 showed, when Joshua Bell played incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, two days after filling every last seat in a theatre in Boston, where ticket prices averaged $100usd.
You can be outstanding at your art but without being able to reach the right audience, timing, and recognition, it’s darn hard to make money off your art.

“Gods don’t like people not doing much work. People who aren’t busy all the time might start to think.”
Quote from “Small Gods” by Sir Terry Pratchett.

“Gods don’t like people not doing much work. People who aren’t busy all the time might start to think.”

You could replace “Gods” with “politicians” or “people with a lot of questionably acquired money” for a thought experiment…

I wanted to add something else about observing one of my “superpowers” intensify recently, but I don’t know how to put it into words. Feeling energies and vibrations from…a lot. Airplanes passing overhead, documents (handwritten, available online), and so forth. I don’t know what to do with it or make use of it, but maybe that will come too? Is it a superpower if it has no clear use tho?

#Staying Afloat

#Making a living

#Launching new ideas in a conservative society

#F’kin exhausted already

That’s true, all well and good, but in this world we all need money too, to eat, to keep a roof over our heads, blah blah blah. You know. Later.
Over and out,
Catpaw

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